In the wee hours of the morning, when I cannot sleep, I take great comfort in listening to the BBC World Service. Last night, however, I was disheartened and dismayed by a documentary, Guilt, Repentance & Forgiveness, [ 28 minutes. Click here to listen.] which tells the story of an Irish boy, Colm O’Gorman, who was abused as a teenager by a priest.
What was, perhaps, most discomforting about it all was the calm and dispassionate way in which Mr. O’Gorman related the horrors that were visited upon him [for decades after the rapes ended.] He has learned to forgive himself and even, to some extent, his abuser [who committed suicide as his trial was beginning] but he cannot forgive the Church which knew of the abuser’s predelictions while he was still a seminarian and which ignored repeated reports about him from concerned parishoners both to his bishop and to the Papal Nuncio.
I struggle sometimes to feel compassion for those who sexually abuse minors and have to keep reminding myself that most abusers are themselves victims of abuse. It is “the sin that keeps on sinning” from generation to generation and the harm that it wreaks is incalculable.
Government figures suggest that clergy are responsible for approximately 3% of the abuse in Ireland, but that means that the other 97% of the abuse is virtually unreported. I assume it pretty much the same here in the United States. A psychotherapist friend of mine is convinced that 25% of us were abused as children. Talk about evil run rampant…
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Eric 08.04.09 at 10:42 am
One set of victims are the holy dedicated priests who live their vows and truly serve God’s people. They are now all under suspicion.
Dan 08.04.09 at 3:31 pm
Paul-
Ever since I read Maureen Orth’s (Tim Russert’s widow) articles on Michael Jacksonin Vanity Fair about a decade ago, I lost much interest in his music.
Nothing is more damaging to children than sexual abuse. I, too, feel for his abusive childhood. But he was an evil force preying on children.
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/politics/2009/06/michael-jackson-is-gone-but-the-sad-facts-remain.html
Crystal 08.04.09 at 8:31 pm
A difficult subject to discuss. I was an abused kid – I mostly try to forget it happened.
Linda S. 08.04.09 at 10:16 pm
I guess I’m one of the 25% although a part of me dislikes the idea of being another statistic. In my head, I understand that I must forgive my abusers, not so much for their benefit, but so that I may receive healing, as they are both already deceased and cannot benefit from my forgiveness. I still struggle with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result. I long to be set free from the bondage of the abuse that happened. And I pray that as God reveals to me the steps to be made whole, that I can, in turn, be a source of help and an example of hope for others who have experienced similar trauma. I have a strong desire to see broken people made whole – and if I can take the tragedy that has happened in my own life and turn it around and use the pain to urge me on to be of some help to someone else, to be a light of some kind, then I think I will find some relief.
Toolah 08.05.09 at 12:32 am
Paul… I got back from work an hour ago and have just been listening to this horror story. Like Crystal, I was an abused child to a certain extend… nobody knows as I have never mentioned a single word to anybody in my family.
Colm O’Gormans tragic story brings everything up to the surface.
I admirer O’Gorman for being able to speak in such a dignified manner about what he had to go through. I wish him all the best in the future.
I agree with Eric… one set of victims are the “good” Priests. They pay for what wrong their fellow Priests have done, and I think it at times must be difficult for them to face the situation.
Paul 08.06.09 at 6:54 am
Eric,
What you say is undeniable and I do often feel I am being held responsible for the sins of others. That having been said, as an “official” representative of a very sinful Church, I get to share in the crimes of the few.
Paul
Paul 08.06.09 at 6:56 am
Dan,
I will read the Vanity Fair article, but don’t want to comment on Michael Jackson or any other individual. I do agree with you that sexual abuse of minors is totally corrosive and we have to do our utmost to protect them.
Paul
Paul 08.06.09 at 6:59 am
Crystal,
We all deal with trauma in our own ways and I respect the decision you have made to try and forget about it. I can’t imagine that I would be able to attempt it if I were in your place. It’s such a horrible thing to have happened.
Paul
Paul 08.06.09 at 7:04 am
Linda S.,
Never having been a victim, I hesitate to say anything to you or to any of the others… I understand what you mean about not wanting to be just another statistic and admire your desire to turn your own suffering into a channel of healing for others.
Have you sought professional counseling (for which the abuser’s superiors or bishop should have to pay)? If not, I would seriously consider it. There are certain things we can’t get past on our own; at least, that’s been my experience.
My prayers, such as they are, are with you and the too many others like you who have been so vilely abused.
Paul
Paul 08.06.09 at 7:07 am
Toolah,
Yes, Colm O’Gorman seems to be an amazing fellow. Thank you for your endorsement of Eric’s views about priests. I am amazed that you have such generosity of spirit, given what you’ve gone through yourself.
May God bless you abundantly,
Paul
Toolah 08.06.09 at 7:16 pm
Paul… Thank you for the Blessing, I truly appreciate that.
Please don’t ever feel that you are responsible for what other Priests/people did and do. Yes, the Institution that is the Catholic Church has a huge responsibility here, but that does not make the Catholic Faith less valuable in my point of view. You or any other Priest who go about your daily ministry in a genuine and sincere way can never be held responsible for what a “few” chose to do.
To me it was my father whom I loved all the way, no matter what he did to me. It stopped when he realized that I was mentally too strong for him. He passed away a couple of years ago and nobody in the family will ever get to know. He was my father after all and I miss him to this day.
Blessings to all of you.
Marika 10.27.09 at 1:44 am
“.. but he cannot forgive the Church .. ” – to my mind it is the hardest because it is structural, social sin, there is no image of a person in front of one’s eyes to forgive…
It would be more useful to hear more on thee topic on structural, social sin.
Ron Montpetit 10.27.09 at 5:46 am
It is a pity the whole world chooses to focus on the sins of a very small minority of the clergy — a great pity and I lose patience with hearing about it.
Those people who “…constantly stand before The Creator accusing the brethren…” should “vote with their feet” and find a place where they could sit in unity with their brothers and sisters discussing something of worth and value rather than tearing down and constantly adopting a narrow focus that will, if adhered to all their life, will lead them straight to hell.
Leave the clergy alone and remove the beam from your own eye, for God’s sake, is what I say to them. I have no patience with this issue any more. Forgive me Father, for I know what I do. I get pee-peed off when I hear this malicious gossip that ignores 97% of the truth.
Now I must go to your 3 Minute Retreat site in order to regain my balance.
Have a great day.
RRJM