An elephant is restrained by a small chain which links a metal collar on its leg with a small peg driven into the ground. It could easily break free, but doesn’t. Why not? As a baby, the elephant was tied up like that and, at that time, the chain was strong enough to prevent the animal from escaping.The adult elephant remains imprisoned by the memory of its being unable to break free when it was much younger.
Hmm. I wonder if I allow similar restraints to stop me from breaking free?
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Ron 11.13.09 at 6:58 am
Me too!
Eric 11.13.09 at 12:22 pm
I grew up with a lot of commentary on what I did wrong, and little on what I did right because that was simply meeting expectations. Even at 65 years old and a good bit of counseling about it, I still have a tape (or now a CD or MP3) playing in my head that communicates the same message. The odd thing is that it can be a blessing because I now know that even if all the untrue things the recording says to me were true, I now know God still loves me.
Maura 11.13.09 at 6:21 pm
Those chains of expectation can be a double edged sword can’t they? While they can deprive us of freedom they do seem to do the job when it comes to making sure we “do the right thing.” But there definately needs to be a balance.
It makes me think of the people I know who go to Mass weekly with no real joy or partcipation but only because they learned as children that it was their duty. On one hand I could shake my head and say how unenlightened but in reality I respect their dedication to their duty towards God. At those times when I don’t “feel” like going or feel distant from God I remember their example and get myself there. At times that sense of duty can bind us and keep up from exploring new realms spritiually but at other times it can offer us that sense of security that carries us thru dark nights.
I guess the danger lies in never knowing anything but constraint because then when freedom is realized it can’t be difficult to see any value in self- constraint.
Toolah 11.14.09 at 1:58 am
Because of my extremely introvert nature, which was very painful to live with as a child, I have always felt it difficult to “break free” and to let other people get close to me. I have always been seen as being different and that has to a certain extent put a restraint on how I can relate to others.
Toolah.
Eric 11.14.09 at 11:39 am
Maura,
I have no problem with duty, but when a child does his or her duty he or she should be commended for it. I think that the worst subconcious message I have lived with is that in all cases there must be something wrong or inadequate with what I have done. My mind does not often let me acknowledge to myself that I have done something well, and simply leave it at that. A side effect of this is that it makes it particularly difficult to accept graciously words of appreciation from others. I repeat that it has been a great grace to know of God’s intense love even when that darn recording is running.
Eric
Maura 11.14.09 at 8:45 pm
Eric
I appologize I’m afraid I was speaking far too theoretically.
Saddly your experience mirrors that of far too many others. You are right that our children need to be nurtured with words of encouragment and kindness. I often think that because of the lines preceeding it St. Paul’s advice is often under rated. “Fathers ( and mothers too for that matter) do not nag your children.” What a different world we would live in if every parent took that thought to heart.
Eric 11.14.09 at 10:10 pm
Maura,
No apology necessary. I took no offense.
I do want to add the footnote though that in the world I grew up in, and one that I know has changed, it was priests and nuns as much as if not more than parents who placed insufficient value in positive encouragement.
Eric
Marg 11.15.09 at 9:28 am
The world is so different now than when I grew up. Strictness was really restrictive! Now what parents and other authorities would consider what my parents and my teachers pressed upon me to be harsh and very near abusive. Sometimes it is the lens we use. Those people in my past, right or wrong, did what they thought would make me a good person and a good Catholic Christian. True, I was held down alot by their opinions or critiques and it still gets me on a regular basis. But some of that was what kept me returning to my roots in the Church. No, the positive encouragement was not poured on, but that made me give more of it to my own daughter. Some good, after all.
M.
Ron 11.16.09 at 5:53 am
I constantly find myself having to choose which “tape” from the past that I give permission to run within my mind. When the negative ones persist, as they often do, I declare that
Ron 11.16.09 at 6:12 am
I constantly find myself having to choose which “tape” from the past that I allow to run within my mind, body and soul.
When the negative ones persist, as they often do, I declare that “all of heaven and earth sing of your glories dear God, Most Holy Trinity, and I now join my voice with all of the angels and the holy men and women, alive and departed, in the Communion of Saints who sing your praises. Help me, Dear Lord, to remain close to You, accept my love, praise and gratitude and help me to be a righteous man, just for today.”
Sometimes I have to go minute by minute in repeating this prayer so as not to dwell anywhere but in His Holy Place within me.
May we all be carried through this day and every day on the wings of a song and a prayer. With Father Paul’s blessing, may the Grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the Love of God and the Fellowship of The Holy Spirit be with us all, now, and on into the eternal light of God forever.
Ron
Eric 11.16.09 at 12:52 pm
Thank you, Ron, for the beautiful prayer.
Ron 11.17.09 at 3:20 pm
Hi Eric,
You are most welcome.
I enjoy reading your comments,
Ron
Paul 11.18.09 at 8:39 am
Y’All,
I was, in a very real sense, out of it for a few days. I was attending conferences in Southern California and didn’t bring my computer with me – I read your postings on my phone but didn’t feel up to using my Irish peasant thumbs to try tapping out responses.
I was very taken with the thoughts about duty and responsibility and the need for parents to be encouraging of their children. While I believe it is possible to go too far with praise and affirmation of children, much more damage is done by constantly demotivating and demoralizing kids.
Each one of us is capable of far more than we allow ourselves to achieve and one of the things that holds us down is outdated and invalid experiences from our dim and distant pasts.
Paul
Ron 11.18.09 at 12:57 pm
I couldn’t agree more with you Father Paul,
It is those negative voices and experiences from the past towards which I have maintain an eternal vigilance and conscious decision to silence those voices. It is a daily happening, made easier by first ["attending to prayer and then to all the other things that make up my day."]
Your Blog, The Preparation for Advent Blog and the 3-Minute Retreat sites that help me to maintain a balance in that. Thank you and all in your team.
Ron