Every Catholic I know who took the “Belief-O-Matic” religion picker came up with a first choice as something other than Roman Catholic. [So many were Quakers that I began to think that maybe the dice was loaded. Or, maybe, there are lots of Quakers out there surprised to be identified by the quiz as Catholics?] In order to “level the playing field” a bit, here’s something which, if you find yourself nodding in agreement, means that you have — at the very least — Papist tendencies!
You may be a Roman Catholic if… [in no particular order]
- You are certain that you could preach a better homily – in half the time – than Father Obnoxious.
- You love the sacraments, especially the Eucharist, and don’t quite understand why everyone else doesn’t share your enthusiasm.
- You are embarrassed by the unrelenting focus on sex and sexuality to the exclusion of other core issues.
- You haven’t gone to Penance/Reconciliation in decades, but are still glad it’s available to you, if you ever feel the need for it.
- You are scandalized by the Church’s sinfulness and cringe every time a Catholic spokesperson stands up to speak.
- You know, no matter how sleek and comfortable you are, that Jesus stands for the poor and the downtrodden.
- You feel very much at home with the Anglican/Lutheran/Methodist traditions but suspect they’re a little too neat and orderly for you.
- You have a favorite saint [or two, or twenty…] and are deeply attached to the Communion of Saints.
- You hate second collections more than the Federal Income Tax.
- You may not pray the Rosary yourself, but deeply honor those who do.
- You have a healthy contempt for hierarchy and still believe in the Apostolic Succession.
- You accept that your religion has more crazy relatives than an Addams Family reunion.
- You visit the Vatican and are amazed that, somehow, you feel like it belongs to you and you to it.
- You feel slightly uneasy in churches where people enjoy singing hymns.
- You are enthusiastic about Catholic Social Teaching and want it to be better known.
- You worry that the Holy Spirit may be on an extended sabbatical.
Okay, what obvious things have I forgotten?