Many years ago, I had a Superior who was self-centered, impatient, manipulative, greedy, bad-mannered, overly-opinionated and a spendthrift who loved to have his own little clique around him at all times. I detested him and thought he was unfit to be a Jesuit, let alone a Superior.
One day he said or did something (I can no longer remember what it was) and it sent me over the top. I marched into my Spiritual Director and informed him that the Superior was insufferable and that I felt like wringing his neck. The wise old man smiled gently. “It doesn’t surprise me that you feel this way,” he said, ”You are, after all, so alike that you could be peas in a pod.”
I was rendered speechless, but the sound of my jaw hitting the floor was very loud.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Maura 03.29.10 at 6:52 am
Ah… Haven’t we all had one of those moments.
As a staff we all did the which saint are you feature on the Loyola Press site in November. Imagine my horror to find I am the same as my boss who often drives me up a wall. The sad truth is that we are equally devoted to our “principles” and too quick to see eachother’s views as unreasonable rather than trying to see where they come from.
I guess there’s lots of work left to do even as lent winds down. Thank God for the reminder of the gift of redemption even thought we don’t “deserve” it.
Meredith Gould 03.29.10 at 7:03 am
Oh yes…the unexpected mirror experience. Very humbling and illuminating — after the initial shock wears off. How’s your jaw?
Michelle 03.29.10 at 7:35 am
Meredith, your comment reminded me of a piece by Walter Wangerin. He calls these moments “dangerous mirrors of grace” – seeing ourselves in ways that not only reflect accurately who we are, but can propel us toward change:
“Mirrors that hide nothing hurt me. But this is the hurt of purging and precious renewal – and these are the mirrors of dangerous grace. The passion of Christ, his suffering and his death, is such a mirror. ”
The rest of the excerpt is here… it’s a worthwhile read to start Holy Week.
Regina 03.29.10 at 8:14 am
I hate when that happens. A huge wake-up call, but also a chance to re-create oneself. After picking up the jaw, of course!
All we are saying is give peas a chance!
Dan 03.29.10 at 8:39 am
Paul-
You are not impatient.
No comment on the others. :>
- Dan
Adriano 03.29.10 at 11:17 am
My father told me the same thing when I was fighting with my mother many years ago. My reaction was anger and then humility.
Eric 03.29.10 at 1:23 pm
I am sorry if I bring up the “I’m dying” routine too much. However, from my perspective it is almost spontaneous to consider others’ obvious flaws unimportant, and simply be grateful that they are in my life. No one wants serious illness, but I am finding it can be great grace.
However, lest I sound as though looking in my mirror does not drop my jaw, we have a new pastor. I was thinking about a trait he has that was not in the previous rector whom I loved very much. Then I realized that I have that trait, and that God has put the new pastor in my life so that I benefit from his gifts.
Eric 03.29.10 at 1:35 pm
Paul, I took note of the “many years ago”. Your spiritual director’s words were wrong if they supposedly apply to the Paul I have come to know through People For Others.
Cathy 03.29.10 at 6:46 pm
I would like to add a big “amen” to Eric’s second comment. By the way, Eric, don’t apologise for drawing on your present situation in making your comments. I suppose we all fear being in that situation some time, and I’m finding it both inspiring and comforting that you are able to find so much grace in your life at present.
Another thing I’d like to mention: on an internet forum which I frequent, one of the “regulars” has as her signature: “May your mirrors be turned into windows…” That’s probably one of those (seemingly) simple phrases that has quite a depth of meaning! One meaning you can take from it, I think, is that while it can be salutary to have a mirror placed before us sometimes, it’s important that this doesn’t lead us to become preoccupied with our own faults, but instead it should enable us to look more clearly OUTWARDS!
Cathy 03.29.10 at 6:56 pm
I was intrigued by the mention in Maura’s comment of the “Which Saint are You?” feature. I couldn’t find it on the Loyala Press site: is it still accessible anywhere?
claire 03.30.10 at 6:00 am
LOL
Sara 03.30.10 at 9:18 am
Cathy, you can find the Which Saint Are You? quiz at http://www.loyolapress.com/voices
Let us know which saint you are!
Regina 03.30.10 at 1:29 pm
Cathy,
Is this the quiz mentioned? It’s on the Loyola site:
http://deepeningfriendship.loyolapress.com/easyquiz/quiz.php?quiz=voices-of-the-saints
Cathy 04.01.10 at 12:07 am
Many thanks, Sara and Regina. Although you gave me two different links, they both got me where I wanted to go! I was also very pleased that the saint I turned out to be was my own patron saint, Catherine of Siena!