The question that got the most votes is: Since you spend lots of time taking care of others, what do you personally do to foster the growth of your own spirituality? Are your needs different?
First of all, I wish I agreed that I “spend lots of time taking care of others.” I am very often the recipient of others’ loving care.
The most important thing I do is to see a Spiritual Director. It is, without question, the most important hour I spend each month. Except sometimes at the Eucharist, I never feel closer to God than when I am with Laura. As a wife, mother and high school counselor, she has a very healthy perspective to offer. She specializes in gentle little questions that “blow up” in my face and help me to get in touch with important issues in my relationship with God. We spend time looking at the same questions we use on www.Other6.com (sorry, couldn’t resist the plug!), “where have I found God?” and “where do I need to find God?” Each time we wrap up, I find myself thanking God for the gift of Laura. I would be lost without her.
I pray — not nearly as much as I could or should — and I reflect quite a bit on my daily experiences (what Ignatius calls the Examen.) Mary Oliver’s line, “I don’t know exactly what a prayer is, I do know how to pay attention…” is my keystone.
I go to Confession — not as often as would be most beneficial — because I want to be honest with, and accountable to, God (and myself.) Although it is occasionally challenging, I hide nothing from Laura or my Provincial (Superior) because I firmly believe that the “enemy of our human nature” (Ignatius again) gets to work when I cordon off parts of my life as unredeemable and unlovable.
I spend as much time as I can with people who are crazy in love with God, hoping to get infected. I am blessed beyond measure to live in a warm and welcoming religious community where we are at least as likely to find ourselves chatting about spiritual matters as we are to watch dumb TV quiz shows. At work, my closest colleagues are seriously good and holy people. They console and challenge me in equal measure and constantly point me in the right direction. (Writing this, I am overcome with gratitude for the blessedness of my life.)
Are my needs different? Than whose? I don’t know. I do know that I desire quite a bit of solitude. According to the Myers Briggs people, I am a marginal extrovert (most people think I’m wildly extroverted), but I can easily become, what I call, “peopled out.” When I’m with family, I’m famous for taking long naps, but I often don’t sleep. Instead, I try to give God space to work with me.
I hope I’ve provided some sort of answer.
P.S. The “bright young things” want me to remind you that you can subscribe to People for Others by e-mail or RSS.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Simon 06.14.10 at 3:00 am
I have been dipping into this site for several months now. Sometimes I get more than others but it is, without doubt, one of the “goods” that the worldwide web has thrown up. I doubt whether I’ll read anything more insightful today if I spend all day at my PC screen.
Thanks
Marika 06.14.10 at 4:16 am
You are the first priest whom I know who has a lay woman as his spiritual director!
Fran Rossi Szpylczyn 06.14.10 at 4:47 am
This is such a thoughtful post and I so appreciate what you say here.
And the nap, spent sleeping or not, is essential I believe… It is when God can do some real work. That is why I often refer to it as my favorite form of contemplative prayer!
And to be crazy in love with God; it is such a good and beautiful thing!
Thank you!
claire 06.14.10 at 6:30 am
This is a great answer. Thank you. But then it had to be
Ron 06.14.10 at 6:36 am
Your response to the most asked question has given me much to think on. Like you, I can easily get “peopled out,” and I find I must spend time in contemplative prayer and solitude.
Though I am a layman, up until three years ago I also had a spiritual director for over a decade. He was a priest in the order of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate. He passed on at the age of ninety-three and I miss him very much.
Your response has made me feel that I should be looking to join in some group of people “crazy in love with God” with whom I could meet in real-time and pray with on a regular basis. These are great insight you have given me Father Paul. Thank you.
Paul 06.14.10 at 8:07 am
Simon,
Thank you for your kind words. Like you, I sometimes get more from (writing) this blog than at other times, but what I am thrilled about is the little community that has gathered around it. There are some great people here.
Paul
Paul 06.14.10 at 8:11 am
Marika,
Thanks for your comment. I am by no means the only priest with a lay woman as Spiritual Director.
I can thank a wise Jesuit for mine – he told me that I needed to stop seeing Jesuits because they gave me “performance anxiety” (fears about not being holy enough) and that I should instead find a wise woman who could see past my “surface storms” to what lay beneath.
I’ve had three women Spiritual Directors (Syracuse, L.A. and now here in Chicago.) Each has been very different and each has enriched my life immeasurably.
Paul
Paul 06.14.10 at 8:12 am
Fran,
Thanks for your kind and generous words.
A Jesuit friend of mine, when he goes for naps, announces that it is time for him to do more research on “lay theology”!
Paul
Paul 06.14.10 at 8:12 am
Claire.
You are too kind.
Paul
Paul 06.14.10 at 8:14 am
Ron,
Yes, a Spiritual Director is a great gift and I’m sorry that you have lost yours. I hope you find a group of “crazy in love” people with whom you can pray and share experiences.
Paul
Kristen 06.14.10 at 10:21 am
Thank you for answering my question!
I especially like the parts of what you said that come from your Jesuit heritage. It really is incredibly hard not to let yourself despise parts of your personality and hide them from everyone’s view, including your own.
It reminds me of something I learned from reading John Sanford’s book The Kingdom Within. We spend so much time talking about how we should help the poor and the outcasted of the world, and we all agree that we should…but it is a whole different question when we attempt to treat the poor and the outcasted qualities within ourselves with the same love and compassion.
Eric 06.14.10 at 11:24 am
I love your answer. It is so Jesuit, and yet so true for all Christians. I love your answer to Marika. I experienced the phenomenon of having saintly spiritual directors whose holiness sometimes intimidated me and led me to hide things. The sad thing was that their holiness and kindness was just the remedy I needed. In fact, I always felt unworthy to be a Jesuit because of the holy men I lived and worked with. I am older now and glad to be in the company of my brother and sister priests at St. Luke’s.
Paul 06.14.10 at 2:18 pm
Kristen,
I’m happy that you were satisfied with my answer.
Love the idea you shared from John Sanford about honoring and loving the poor and outcast qualities of our own selves.
Paul
Meredith Gould 06.14.10 at 8:10 pm
So is it ok to get a tattoo? All kidding aside, your response is wonderful and I especially appreciate your emphasis on the value and importance of having a spiritual adviser.
Can totally identify with the solitude needs, so I’m always interested in learning more about how others get those needs filled within the context of community.
Last but not least, in the yogic tradition, yoga nidra is a form of “napping” (although it’s not articulated as such) that allows body, mind and spirit to integrate. Should come as no surprise that I LOVED that sadhana (spiritual practice)!
Michelle 06.14.10 at 9:04 pm
I’m reading a book that advocates “unrepentant napping” (and now that I look to see the title, I realize it’s from Loyola Press — The Power of Pause), something I resonate with after having (foolishy, perhaps) advocated “extravagant unbusyness” in a very public forum last Advent. This summer I’m hoping to give both practices a serious go, as for the first time in 35 years I’m taking a summer off from my research lab.
I love the idea of finding a group of people that are “crazy in love” with God so that you can get infected — I’m blessed with an Augustinian community that I pray the Liturgy of the Hours with each morning who are definitely in that category. Crazy, in love with God and crazy in love with God – and it is contagious.
Ron, may you find a new director soon! Kristen, thank you for a great question, and for something more to contemplate, can I love the “outcast” parts of my own personality?
Shannon 06.15.10 at 8:54 am
I seem to remember a Jesuit friend once commenting on “St. Joseph’s meditation.” He claimed that St. Joseph got all his information in dreams, and for that, he must have been sleeping!
And while prayer should be at the top of the list, all too often I’ve heard of (and experienced once) a pastor who was quite caught up in prayer, even making his own chapel, who also spent money on new vestments and other assorted liturgical goodies with great abandon, never consulting anyone. Financial malfeasance, poor collaboration with colleagues, arghhhh. Doesn’t matter how well he prays. If he doesn’t live it out, we’re all in trouble.