This story is by our friend, Rabindranath Tagore:
I have been seeking and searching God for as long as I can remember, for many many lives, from the very beginning of existence. Once in a while, I have seen him by the side of a faraway star, and I have rejoiced and danced that the distance, although great, is not impossible to reach. And I have traveled and reached to the star; but by the time I reached the star, God has moved to another star. And it has been going on for centuries.
The challenge is so great that I go on hoping against hope… I have to find him, I am so absorbed in the search. The very search is so intriguing, so mysterious, so enchanting, that God has become almost an excuse – the search has become itself the goal.
And to my surprise, one day I reached a house in a faraway star with a small sign in front of it, saying, “This is the house of God.” My joy knew no bounds – so finally I have arrived! I rushed up the steps, many steps, that led to the door of the house. But as I was coming closer and closer to the door, a fear suddenly appeared in my heart. As I was going to knock, I became paralyzed with a fear that I had never known, never thought of, never dreamed of. The fear was:
If this house is certainly the house of God, then what will I do after I have found him?”
Now searching for God has become my very life; to have found him will be equivalent to committing suicide. And what am I going to do with him? I had never thought of all these things before. I should have thought before I started the search: what am I going to do with God?
I took my shoes in my hands, and silently and very slowly stepped back, afraid that God may hear the noise and may open the door and say, “Where are you going? I am here, come in!” And as I reached the steps, I ran away as I have never run before; and since then I have been again searching for God, looking for him in every direction… and avoiding the house where he really lives. Now I know that house has to be avoided. And I continue the search, enjoy the very journey, the pilgrimage.
[Source: http://www.spiritual-short-stories.com/spiritual-short-story-252-Searching+for+God.html]
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Therein, lies my problem methinks. I know where to go and know what to do but just don’t have the strength of mind/will to go there and do it. Hopefully, please God, Iwill one day.
Simon,
You are, most decidedly, not alone in this “problem.”
Paul
Interesting story. Had to read it a couple of times for it to sink in. We all know where God is and what He wants, but maybe we’re still focused on doing what we want to do, when we want to. We can put God on the shelf and pursue Him “later” when we’re really ready (whenever that may be).
Bob
Bob,
Yep. Seems to be part of the human condition, except for a few extraordinary individuals.
Paul
This is brilliant. What more is there to say ?
Ron Rolheiser also writes about how we spend so much time writing about our faith rather than living it.
It is a form of narcissism I guess.
Thanks for this.
Blessings
Phil,
I think I’ve already mentioned the cartoon where there are two doors. One says, “God” and the other “Conversations about God.” There is a long line before the second door and no one at the first…
Paul
Reminds of of Augustine’s great line…Lord make me chaste, but not yet.
I’m with Simon on this. Once we are there, once we find and realize that we are in God’s prescence, there is the fear that we/I may slip back, be lured to the old ways. There is a fear of being unwilling, unable to stay with God.
Have an exultant weekend…
Tim,
I discovered “Friday Night Lights” on Netflix instant streaming and managed to watch 14 episodes from Season 1 over the weekend. Does that make it exultant?
Paul
Simon and Tim I am in the same boat with you guys! It would be the worst backslide of all time to meet God and revert to your old self. So we don’t look quite as hard as we might or our search is slower than maybe it needs to be.
Perhaps the lyrics to a country song I heard recently is inspired by Augustine’s quote, Tim. It goes something like “everybody wants to go to heaven, but not right now.”
Due to lunch today with a dear friend I have already started exulting my way thru the weekend.
m.
Marg,
“It would be the worst backslide of all time to meet God and revert to your old self.” Don’t we “meet” God all the time? Doesn’t God love us just the way we are?
Paul
Karl Rahner, S.J “We will always be tempted again to take fright and flee back into what is familiar and near to us: in fact we will often have to and will often be allowed to do this. But we should gradually try to get ourselves used to the taste of the pure wine of the Spirit… We should do this at least to the extent of not refusing the chalice when His directing providence offers it to us.”
We walk through that door, and run back out again, over and over….
Michelle,
Wow. Trust you to bring out the heavy guns!
Paul
I was told that the phrases “Do not be afraid” or “Fear not” appears about 365 times in the Bible, just as the number of days in a year. Maybe we need a daily reminder…
I could use the reminder! Of course, now I’m imagining God handing out “word of the day” calendars on a street corner with all those verses on them
I hadn’t heard the 365 frequency but had heard that “do not be afraid”was the most common phrase in the bible. Understandable, given the cause of most of my failings, if not everyone’s, is fear. God knows what’s what! A shame I (we) can’t pick up on His tips eh?
To be fair, my fears have usually been well founded
Tim,
Like the others, I hadn’t heard that but I like what you’re saying.
Paul
What Michelle says is so true: “We walk through that door, and run back out again, over and over….” Yet “my soul pants for you, O God.” (Ps. 42) I think that if I could constantly remember that I am the beloved child of God, then the fear factor would be mitigated.
Let’s try to follow what Jesus says in this Sunday’s Gospel: “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.”
Lynda,
What consoles me in all this is that God understands us more than we understand ourselves – and loves us.
Paul
Tagore sounds like a pure science kind of guy; searches for the answer/truth and when he finds it, is done with it and moves on to the next mystery.
I find myself afraid of knocking on the door because I’m afraid of what God will ask of me when He opens it. Will He ask me to give up my bottle collection to show my love for Him? Sell my mom’s jewelry and give the money to the poor? Leave my kids and evangelize in Africa? Never drink coffee again?
Just goes to show I don’t know my God at all.
It’s okay Tim. I’ll exult in the fact that God knows me.
Angela,
Tagore doesn’t sound at all “sciencey” to me. I don’t think he’s the type to “move on to the next mystery.”
A wise Jesuit once told me that when God asks us to do something, it will never violently disturb us. It may be difficult or challenging, but if it violates us in some way, it cannot be from God. God would never ask you to abandon your children and I think your bottle collection is safe.
Paul
Yes, the search is the journey. The quest for Godde is Godde already. A sort of eternal Cosmic dance, a Cosmic hide and seek. All is well this way.
Thank you for a very beautiful story.
Claire,
Don’t thank me. Thank Tagore. (But thanks, all the same!)
Paul
Awhile back, I was gifted with a lithograph. It’s a multitude of angels all turned facing a throne which holds and is encompassed by a bright light. When I read this, I thought of that. Then, I think of how many times I’ve heard that it’s wonderful beyond compare to have earned the right to spend eternity worshipping and praising God. When I hear that I think, “Is that all? Is that all I have to look forward to? Standing or bowing in worship? Singing the praises of God for all eternity?” It doesn’t sound like a great reward, but rather boring. What if, after a life of service we were to find out that what we treasured, even to the degree of martydom, is not at all what we would conceive as a great reward, but instead is a huge disappointment?? That, is my greatest fear. What if, when I do come face to face with my Creator, I don’t like Him/Her? At the same time, it frightens me to say that. I think that would be what would make me *not* want to open the door, not that I would disappoint God, but that God would not live up to my expectations. Sounds awful, I know. I think some of this probably comes from my childhood. A God who’s called our “Heavenly Father”, when my concept of a father is someone who when the chips are down, chooses to save himself and leave his child behind. Very difficult to look with reverence upon that image. To me, fathers leave. Fathers save themselves. They leave and they don’t look back. There are so many young people just like me. How to reach them? and on some days, I have to see God as something, anything besides a “parent figure”. Days like that, I can’t reach myself, let alone anyone else.
Then, the world turns, the sun rises anew. 
Emma,
I totally agree with you that all the accounts of what heaven might be like sound boring. I’m rather hoping that heaven will be full of exotic Italian sports cars…
I console myself with the thought that the God who gave us Jesus Christ has dreams and plans for us that exceed our wildest imaginings by a billion trillion times.
Paul
I agree that the way that we are often taught about God, doesn’t make Him sound all that exciting, but I just think that we cannot for imagine what God is like. I prefer to think of God as love rather and I know you’ll understand wanting to do everything you can for a loved on. So an intensity of love that we cannot yet even imagine would result, I’m sure, in an eternity of worshipping but by the same token He is going to love us back.
Anyway, that’s my two pennies worth of how I see it. If some earth bound individual tells me differently then I will ask to see the proof
Simon,
As often happens, I write a response and then look at what someone else (you in this case) has written and I think, “Rats! That’s far better than anything I could come up with.”
Ah, well.
Paul
Don’t mind me, I’m just out of sorts. I just don’t see a God who supposedly loves us, allowing all to suffer so; a God who champions for the poor and the weak, but seems to care more for those with churches that have the biggest steeples, people with the largest bank accounts and countries with the deadliest weapons. Why not lift up the “least of these”? Then, I’ve just for the first time familiarized myself with the term “predetermination”. And a quote in the book I was reading, “Don’t tell them about that, tho’ or they’ll start to think, ‘what’s the use?’ “. What’s *that* all about? And, I have to say, I have done some things that Scripture says not to do; stealing comes to mind, but, I think it was for a right cause. I can’t make reconcilliation for something that I’m not in the least bit sorry that I did. In fact, given the choice and the same set of circumstances, I’d do it again. I’m not altogether sure where that leaves me. Time will tell.
And, Paul, you said exactly what I needed to hear. I thought maybe I was the only one who thought that those descriptions of the afterlife make me think it would be more of a punishment than a reward. My idea of heaven is something that you would probably consider punishment; I want horses and dogs and bunnies! BUT….no bugs!!!