Here’s a couple more:
1. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
2. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. A bank is a place you can go to to get money once you’ve proven to them that you don’t need it.
4. The light at the end of the tunnel is an on-coming train.
5. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of a pool and throw them fish.
6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
And some closing words from Groucho Marx:
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx
“She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.” — Groucho Marx
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx