[This is a second guest post from a shy colleague who prefers to remain anonymous]
Just as Moses left his people, climbed Mount Sinai, received the Ten Commandments, and returned to his people; my child will leave home and community, seek danger and adventure, and return as an adult. It is his initiation into adulthood and I will encourage him on that adventure. But it takes self-discipline to give him that support yet not hold his hand too tightly.
It’s a happy relief to still have my daughter at home for another couple of years because my son is transitioning. We all are. My husband and I will be parents for our whole lives but our roles will change.
We will go from being his pit crew of loving enforcers and cheering encouragers to being friends. Letting go is the most benevolent thing we can do. My son jokes that the house will be fuller, not emptier, without him because my husband and I will fill it with imaginary friends and pets.
I hope he’s kidding because that sounds a little crazy… Still, I’m giving it serious consideration because I will miss him so very much.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t comment on how you may feel as a parent but I can relate to how your relationships will change. I lost my mother when she was young and so my father was left. Since he was quite old when he became a parent, I was quite young when I felt that it was down to me to be the one taking responsibility for ‘keeping the truck on the road.’ Your children will, over time, see a role reversal too. It is a good thing though. It draws you closer and, imaginary friends and pets aside, will ensure that the tie between you is never broken. By the way, if you don’t already have an intimate relationship with Skype (or Facetime,) get ready to become very well acquainted with it
I love what Simon said above… It is so hard to change, yet that is what we all must do. This has gotten me to thinking about how it might have felt for my mom (my dad was already deceased) when I left home for college. I do not think I have ever given this any thought before. Hmmm…
Sending you all good thoughts, wishes and prayers as things change. Thank you for writing this!
I like the “pit crew” analogy, that is about right, isn’t it? I wonder sometimes if we aren’t also responding to the change in the use of our energies. Motherhood requires so much energy on so many levels. It is not for the faint-hearted for sure and as you said, takes courage. Special prayers for you and for all of the mothers and fathers who are experiencing this for the very first time.
I am not a parent but can attest to role change. My Mom became my best friend but never stopped being my Mom. I congradulate you on a great post and your sense of humility at remaining anonymous,
Letting go is so difficult but, as a parent, that process continues even as we watch our children become parents themselves and we worry about how they are managing the heavy load of parenthood with both parents working full-time.
One thought that came to mind as I read this second post about letting go is that your daughter has never had the privilege of being the only child at home and now she will have that opportunity. It will be a very special time for you and for her. God bless each member of your family as you make this transition.
Lynda, that’s precisely what my youngest son said, “Now I get to be the only child!”
Thank you for both these reflections, which cut very close to home for me. We left our oldest at college on Sunday. He’s ready for this next phase, he’s not needed me for the daily things of life for some time. He manages his own study habits, negotiates with his brother about the laundry (they take turns doing each other’s), cooks, cleans, can shop on a budget, can build a house and sew on a button. He’s a fascinating person in his own right, whose conversation I will seriously miss at my dinner table, and whose dry wit has brightened many a night’s dish washing session.
I’ve been praying with Mary of Magdala and Jesus in the garden after the resurrection, and the line from the gospel: “Do not keep on clinging to me…” Mary had to look twice to recognize the risen Jesus, just as I have to look twice to see the man the baby I carried has become, and she had to let go her grasp, Jesus was off to do His work. We are all bearers of Christ, I just have to let my son bear Him off, and not “keep on clinging”….
Prayers for all who are starting back to school, and for all the transitions it brings for students, teachers, parents and families!
He must be a good lad if he can brighten a dish washing session. That takes super-human abilities
He is a lovely kid, I just hope the superhuman abilities extend to Intensive Greek!
I am certain all will be well. If it is any comfort (and it may not be,) my family didn’t think I would knuckle down to the graft at University at all, given that I had not knuckled down to anything academic in my life until that point. In fact, the only things that attracted me to going to University in the first place were the girls and the beer (sad but true.) I did, though, and some may say (not least the teachers at the school from which I left with no qualifications) that it involved super human (or divine) intervention. I’m sure God was especially active in directing my life at that time. What will be, will be, but the one thing I seem to find is that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and I’m sure your apple will be fine with his intensive Greek