In no particular order:
10. “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” Woody Allen
9. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Steve Martin
8. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
7. “What’s another word for ‘Thesaurus’?” Stephen Wright
6. “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people He gave it to.” Dorothy Parker
5. “It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.” Anon.
4. “You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” Yogi Berra
3. “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” Oscar Wilde.
2. “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” George Carlin
1. “Before I speak, I have something important to say.” Groucho Marx